Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
