Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
