I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
