Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
