the new term for farting is butt boxing.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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