Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I checked into jail on foursquare
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
