Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
