That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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