I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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