batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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