What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
