Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
