she woke up with a sticky ear
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
