I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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