1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
