She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
