Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
