Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
