So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
