I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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