i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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