I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
