Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
