Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
