Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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