as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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