apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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