drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
