champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
