So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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