She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Everyone says I win the strip club
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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