my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
