why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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