taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
