i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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