I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
