We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
