how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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