I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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