It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
