so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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