he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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