Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
