I'd wear matching sweaters with you
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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