dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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