That's intense
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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