I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
