He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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