I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
so much tequila, so little girl.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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