I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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