drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
