You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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