Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
