I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Randomize
