With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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